Guys. GUYS. I have a serious, and pretty unbelievable problem, and I need
your help. Miss Loudmouth Chatterbox (moi, obviously) CANNOT TALK TO GUYS.
I know, I know. You're thinking 'Pfffft! Sure, Shell. Whatever you say.'
But I swear, it's happening to me, and I'm fucked if I know why, or what to do
about it. I've gone from the girl who makes friends with a girl by telling her that
her (hideous) top is cute and so unique, just so I could get her to talk to my
friend who couldn't take his eyes off her all night, to the girl who can do no
more than coyly bat her lashes and smile at the boy across the room.
I was the girl going up to a cute boy in a bar and saying, 'Here's my
number. That's where you can call me to fetch my friend over there after you
take her home tonight.' Now I'm the girl who says it counts when a gorgeous
specimen who makes her lady parts giggle follows her outside when she goes to
smoke, and they stand near each other and do the subtle check out, but nobody
says anything.
Old me: "No time to explain ... Get in the punani!!"
New me: *Gurgling fish out of water noises, complete with bulging, panicked
eyes* (Thank God for giant sunnies!!!)
I can remember dates of 1970's celebrity deaths, and my junior school phone
number, but I can't remember how to flirt with a hot guy? What am I, the
fucking Rainman?!?!?!
You see, I've come across a remarkably sexy and sweet looking guy a couple
of times on my jols with Mama Boo the last few weeks, and we've established that
we've noticed each other (as evidenced by the pathetic overuse of Bambi-style
Kissy Eyes.) The next logical step is one of us talking to the other (and
hopefully, the other talking back, thus creating what I believe they call
Conversation). This is where shit gets weird, because I freeze up and get
clammy. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.
I know what you're thinking... 'Dafuq, Shell?! Why are we even having this
conversation?!'* I'm wondering the same thing.
So, friends, this is where you come in. I'd appreciate any reminders of how
easy it is to just fucking talk to a guy. ALso: tips on how to talk to a
smoking hot yet apparently shy boy would not go amiss. You guys can be my
wingmen... wingladies... Wingpeeps!**
* Transcript of actual conversation about the dumbest problem I've ever had, so I know it's what you're
thinking
** Weeps? Er...
