I'm back!

My, my, my.  It has been a long time, hasn’t it?  Last we spoke, I’d just moved to Cape Town, was still calling it the Mother Shitty, and was learning to be a human again. 

Well, Boolings, let me tell you, SO MUCH HAS CHANGED.  It was only when I was reading these old posts today that I realised two things.  1) I NEEEEEEED to start blogging again; and 2) I done growed up some. 

In the two and a half years since my last post, these are some of the things that have  happened:

• Mama Boo and I moved out from the friends we were staying with and, after a brief sojourn in what may as well have been a shoe box, we found an amazing flat with an incredible view, and have been there just over two years now.  Never been cosier or happier in a home since high school.  

•  I got a new fkn bed, and it's the love of my life!!! I've spent almost three years sleeping on a squeaky, springy, slumpy three quarter bed, and I was DONE with that noise, so I sucked it up and splurged on a double bed, which makes me feel like a princess with no pea.  It's the best.

• I got a job I loved, and worked my way up till I hit the glass ceiling that was in place there.  Asked questions and wanted more, and when I realised that wasn’t going to happen, and that it was sucking my soul out, I got my ass outta there faster than the Flash on his way to a ‘Netflix and chill’.

• After leaving the succubus of a job, I got my dream job.  I can’t rave enough about how amazing it is.  I know I always start jobs with this zing of excitement and positivity, but I’m almost six months in now, and I can honestly say I want to do this forever.  It’s THE BEST, even though it’s exhausting.

• Dated a very cute fuckboy (before that was an accepted term) for a very short period of time, and it all ended when he decided I was too much for him.  At the time, I was of course gutted, but realised that being too much for someone just means that they’re not enough for me.  Realised also that that’s okay, not everyone is.  (Old me would have lamented this for eons, but that bit about healing?  It seems to have sunk in somewhat.)

• Dated a smart guy, who made me laugh and think and moan, and thought that was enough.  It wasn’t.  Put up with two years of bullshit because I listened to my idiot heart instead of my much smarter brain (and MUCH smarter friends and family), and ended up with a break up text just shy of our two year anniversary.

• Found my tribe in Cape Town.  These people… I can’t even begin to sum up how incredible they are.  They’re nothing like I ever imagined my tribe to be, but my god, I couldn’t imagine my life without them!

• Let go of my obsession with hating Cape Town.  The me of three years ago would be scandalised to hear me say this, but I fucking love it, and I’m not sure I’d ever leave again.  Don’t get me wrong, Jozi will always be home, but it’ll always be there and I’ll always love it.  Cape Town, however, despite its awful drivers and onbeskof wind, has won my heart all over again.  It took a long time for me to realise it, but I think that now that I’ve settled and found something to fill my days that I absolutely adore, it’s made it easier to love, and to admit that love.

• Stopped denying my weirdness, and dyed my hair bright pink with a purple undercut.  And fuck me, I feel like myself again!  It’s funny; when I moved here, everyone said I’d fit right in with all the weirdos, but I denied that part of myself and tried to just blend in with the crowd and be a regular Jane.  FAIL.  I hated that, it made me miserable, and it never fucking worked.  Now?  Doing what I love, with people I adore and would take a bullet for?  I’m me again, and I’m happy again.

• Certified my old hipster status by FINALLY getting my ass to a festival.  Two years in a row, and I want to LIVE at Up The Creek.  Just look at this!  How did I miss this for so long, and how can I make it my life?  It’s the kitties titties, guys.  You should be there.  You won’t regret it!

It just goes to show, resisting change doesn’t stop it from happening; you just end up making the same mistakes over and over until you learn and grow. 

Having recently come out of the long term shitty relationship, I’m in a place of insane growth right now, and as much as it hurts, it’s fantastic and I’m glad for it.  I’m pushing myself to new limits, trying new things (shout out to Tinder and Secret Sunsets, and that’s just this week!) and becoming a whole new version of myself.  I think I’m gonna like this version more than the last. 

So, in short, now that I’m back, keep your eyes peeled for Wednesday Wonders, Tinder Vigilante stories, Shit You Couldn’t Make Up, and more! 

Greetings from the Mother Shitty... Er... City

Well, it’s finally happened. After a few false starts and delays, I’m officially a Capetonian again. At least for the foreseeable future. 

There were farewells aplenty before I left, some crazy drunken moments, and LOTS of memories made to see me through the next however long, until I get back to my beloved city. I managed to miss my original flight on Sunday, which gave me a bonus extra night in Jozi (spent sleeping, after some of those crazy drunken moments the night before). I managed not to cry at the airport when I said my goodbyes and I love yous, but once we were airborne, and I saw this skyline, 

it was over. I was DONE, and bawled mine little eyes out. Fifteen years of good times, bad times, heavy times, rough times, awesome times and crazy times, all washed in the neon glow of the City of Gold, and they all came to a very emotional close when I saw Ponte and the Brixton Tower for the last time. 
But I did manage to get some sleep on the plane, because I was utterly exhausted to start with, and then there was the mass of Feelings. That little nap meant I got to Cape Town refreshed and (almost) ready to face my new adventure. But first, I had to face Mama Boo. After missing my flight on Sunday, she was NOT impressed with me, but all was forgiven when she rushed at me and almost squeezed my left lung out of my…. Well, let’s just say it would have been painful and awkward to explain if she hadn’t let go when she did. 
And then there was the welcoming committee when we got home. We’re staying with friends of Mama’s at the moment, and they had heard a lot of hype about Boo 2 (c’est moi), so they were all very excited to meet me. I felt a bit like a shleb, which was equal parts awkward and awesome. Cemented the fact that I’m not ready for fame *just* yet. 

But the thing that I was most excited to do? Give my little smelly cat a ton of love. 

Happy now that mama's here!

I flew her down on Saturday, after having her in boarding for almost 3 weeks. I missed the shit out of her, and she seems to have missed me too, evidenced by the fact that she lost a load of weight in the time she was in boarding, and the fact that she didn’t want to know Mama at all. But when I walked into our room and started talking to her, she perked up immediately, and we cuddled the shit out of each other. She’s even talking again, which Mama has found amazing and also unfair, because Ally didn’t talk to her without me. 

Being surrounded by so many people has been a bit overwhelming so far, but it’s because I’m not used to living with anyone except Smelly Cat, so it’s going to take some practice. And I’m missing my amazing friends and the funny little things I never realised Jozi had going for it till I woke up with no hadedas shrieking this morning. 

Joburg's indigenous natural alarm clocks

But I’m not rushing it or being too down on myself for not being into it immediately. I’m allowing myself some time to figure things out, and to settle in and get used to the idea of the Mother Shitty being my spot for a while. It’s not going to be home overnight, and I can’t expect it to be. It’s a huge move, and it’s going to take time to adjust, and that’s okay! 
Today, I’m off adventuring with Mama at her office, and plotting my next move. There are emails flying to agencies, my CV is going up everywhere I can think of, and my pen is close to melting with all the notes being made. So, Boolings, wish me luck with this adventure, send love and light and good vibes*, and the strength to make this work, stat. 

*Jozi-themed care packages would not go amiss, either. Just saying. 

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

Just when I thought it was safe to say that things were settling down… 

God, the Universe really does like her curve balls, doesn’t she?? After all my raving about how happy I am in my own space, and how I’ve finally found the thing that makes me want to get up every morning and get out there for, everything got chucked up in the air again, and it’s all landed in a scattered pattern. Nothing looks like it did a week ago!

Last week, I was convinced I was having a bona fide nervous breakdown. All my old, awful so-called coping mechanisms came back to haunt me, and I felt like I was going out of my mind. Like clawing at my skin and sleeping all day just so I’m not weeping kind of out of my mind. Spent a good hour and a half on the phone with SADAG. They are amazing. The chick talked me down from a total fuck out, and gave me some solutions so that I didn’t feel so fucking helpless. And once that had all settled, and I’d stopped scratching at myself for no good reason, had something to eat and calmed down a little bit, my land-hag came by and gave me notice on the cottage. She’s a grumpy old dragon, and she stayed true to form that evening. But in a way I guess I was lucky that I was already completely drained after everything else that day, or else I might have reacted in a very different way. Instead of going completely off the deep end, I just sort of nodded and processed what she was saying, and went and sat on my bed and just breathed. Panicked a little that night – not much sleep was had – but by the next morning, I was ok. I had a couple of back up plans in my head that I then followed through on, and pared those down to one viable option.

Which brings me to my latest news:

Miss Boo is moving to Cape Town!

I won’t lie, I’m totally heartbroken at the thought of leaving my beautiful city. This place is my heartbeat. Being away for a week in February was so difficult, and I was more homesick than I’ve ever felt in my life. I guess it’s because Jozi is my hometown. I’ve lived here for 15 years, for crying out loud. Every single Important Life Event has happened to me while living in this place. I never thought I’d have somewhere to call my hometown, given the nomadic existence of my family. But goddammit, this is it. It’s a part of me! So leaving is going to be one of the hardest things I’ll have had to do. If I was sick of the city, as everyone gets from time to time, it might be different, but this is like leaving someone you’re in love with. Nonetheless, I know that Jozi will always be here for me. BUT! I'm getting more and more excited about the prospect of being a Capetonian again (for a while) every day. Things are just happening and before I've had a chance to process one thing, the next thing's on the go. It's truly going to be an amazing experience, and I have a feeling it's going to be the restart I've been so desperately in need of for such a long time.*  

And, in the meantime, I’m looking at this move as a brand new, sparkling adventure. Just because it wasn’t part of the plan doesn’t mean it’s bad. It could just be the best thing that ever happens to me, you know? I’m going into this with a shiny, positive outlook, and not with fear and loathing. Day one of the plan was very much fear and loathing, but since then, I sat and wrote lists, and by the time I was finished with those, I had found the excitement that was missing. And now? I’m antsy to get going! I have my lists – Things to Sell; Things to Pack; Things to Donate; Things to Chuck – and I’m getting a move on with those. Jesus, I’m such a nerd. Lists calm me down and make me feel better. Seriously?!

Also, an awesome silver lining is that I can probably continue with CAMI when I get to Cape Town. We have an office there, and one of the sales consultants has just left, so I could slot in there chip-chop and make a good go of it there. So there is a Plan. I’m not just going down there to see what I can see and hope for the best. I don’t want to be there indefinitely. There’s got to be a timeline. I’m looking at nothing less than 6 months, nothing more than a year and a half. That’s the ‘plan’, anyway. We all know what happens to the best laid plans, though, don’t we? Who knows? This could just be the beginning of the life I always hoped for. I’ve always looked at the bigger picture, and have learnt that leaving the finer details up to the Universe can work out pretty damn well in the long run, so that’s what I’m trying to do with this opportunity. Who knows where this could take me?

So, for the next few weeks? Head down, stomach in, chest out, and MUSH! I’m doing some work for an awesome interior contracts company, NODDS for the next couple of weeks (*ahem* If  you need any interior decorating or alterations, hit them up, y’hear? Tell em Miss Boo sent you!) to keep myself out of too much mischief, and supplement the moving costs.
And then? Packing my rucksack, getting my walking stick out, and probably forgetting my handkerchief, because...

If there’s any hope of allies like Kili and Fili, this adventure ain’t gonna be half bad!

* If I wasn't so bloody stubborn, I'd probably be well past the initial reset phase by now, but nooooooo. I was determined to prove that I could do this all on my own. Well, self: Lesson learned. No man, woman, or unicorn is an island. It's ok to need someone, mkay?