CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

Just when I thought it was safe to say that things were settling down… 

God, the Universe really does like her curve balls, doesn’t she?? After all my raving about how happy I am in my own space, and how I’ve finally found the thing that makes me want to get up every morning and get out there for, everything got chucked up in the air again, and it’s all landed in a scattered pattern. Nothing looks like it did a week ago!

Last week, I was convinced I was having a bona fide nervous breakdown. All my old, awful so-called coping mechanisms came back to haunt me, and I felt like I was going out of my mind. Like clawing at my skin and sleeping all day just so I’m not weeping kind of out of my mind. Spent a good hour and a half on the phone with SADAG. They are amazing. The chick talked me down from a total fuck out, and gave me some solutions so that I didn’t feel so fucking helpless. And once that had all settled, and I’d stopped scratching at myself for no good reason, had something to eat and calmed down a little bit, my land-hag came by and gave me notice on the cottage. She’s a grumpy old dragon, and she stayed true to form that evening. But in a way I guess I was lucky that I was already completely drained after everything else that day, or else I might have reacted in a very different way. Instead of going completely off the deep end, I just sort of nodded and processed what she was saying, and went and sat on my bed and just breathed. Panicked a little that night – not much sleep was had – but by the next morning, I was ok. I had a couple of back up plans in my head that I then followed through on, and pared those down to one viable option.

Which brings me to my latest news:

Miss Boo is moving to Cape Town!

I won’t lie, I’m totally heartbroken at the thought of leaving my beautiful city. This place is my heartbeat. Being away for a week in February was so difficult, and I was more homesick than I’ve ever felt in my life. I guess it’s because Jozi is my hometown. I’ve lived here for 15 years, for crying out loud. Every single Important Life Event has happened to me while living in this place. I never thought I’d have somewhere to call my hometown, given the nomadic existence of my family. But goddammit, this is it. It’s a part of me! So leaving is going to be one of the hardest things I’ll have had to do. If I was sick of the city, as everyone gets from time to time, it might be different, but this is like leaving someone you’re in love with. Nonetheless, I know that Jozi will always be here for me. BUT! I'm getting more and more excited about the prospect of being a Capetonian again (for a while) every day. Things are just happening and before I've had a chance to process one thing, the next thing's on the go. It's truly going to be an amazing experience, and I have a feeling it's going to be the restart I've been so desperately in need of for such a long time.*  

And, in the meantime, I’m looking at this move as a brand new, sparkling adventure. Just because it wasn’t part of the plan doesn’t mean it’s bad. It could just be the best thing that ever happens to me, you know? I’m going into this with a shiny, positive outlook, and not with fear and loathing. Day one of the plan was very much fear and loathing, but since then, I sat and wrote lists, and by the time I was finished with those, I had found the excitement that was missing. And now? I’m antsy to get going! I have my lists – Things to Sell; Things to Pack; Things to Donate; Things to Chuck – and I’m getting a move on with those. Jesus, I’m such a nerd. Lists calm me down and make me feel better. Seriously?!

Also, an awesome silver lining is that I can probably continue with CAMI when I get to Cape Town. We have an office there, and one of the sales consultants has just left, so I could slot in there chip-chop and make a good go of it there. So there is a Plan. I’m not just going down there to see what I can see and hope for the best. I don’t want to be there indefinitely. There’s got to be a timeline. I’m looking at nothing less than 6 months, nothing more than a year and a half. That’s the ‘plan’, anyway. We all know what happens to the best laid plans, though, don’t we? Who knows? This could just be the beginning of the life I always hoped for. I’ve always looked at the bigger picture, and have learnt that leaving the finer details up to the Universe can work out pretty damn well in the long run, so that’s what I’m trying to do with this opportunity. Who knows where this could take me?

So, for the next few weeks? Head down, stomach in, chest out, and MUSH! I’m doing some work for an awesome interior contracts company, NODDS for the next couple of weeks (*ahem* If  you need any interior decorating or alterations, hit them up, y’hear? Tell em Miss Boo sent you!) to keep myself out of too much mischief, and supplement the moving costs.
And then? Packing my rucksack, getting my walking stick out, and probably forgetting my handkerchief, because...

If there’s any hope of allies like Kili and Fili, this adventure ain’t gonna be half bad!

* If I wasn't so bloody stubborn, I'd probably be well past the initial reset phase by now, but nooooooo. I was determined to prove that I could do this all on my own. Well, self: Lesson learned. No man, woman, or unicorn is an island. It's ok to need someone, mkay?