Guys. GUYS. I have a serious, and pretty unbelievable problem, and I need your help. Miss Loudmouth Chatterbox (moi, obviously) CANNOT TALK TO GUYS.
I know, I know. You're thinking 'Pfffft! Sure, Shell. Whatever you say.' But I swear, it's happening to me, and I'm fucked if I know why, or what to do about it. I've gone from the girl who makes friends with a girl by telling her that her (hideous) top is cute and so unique, just so I could get her to talk to my friend who couldn't take his eyes off her all night, to the girl who can do no more than coyly bat her lashes and smile at the boy across the room.
I was the girl going up to a cute boy in a bar and saying, 'Here's my number. That's where you can call me to fetch my friend over there after you take her home tonight.' Now I'm the girl who says it counts when a gorgeous specimen who makes her lady parts giggle follows her outside when she goes to smoke, and they stand near each other and do the subtle check out, but nobody says anything.
Old me: "No time to explain ... Get in the punani!!"
New me: *Gurgling fish out of water noises, complete with bulging, panicked eyes* (Thank God for giant sunnies!!!)
I can remember dates of 1970's celebrity deaths, and my junior school phone number, but I can't remember how to flirt with a hot guy? What am I, the fucking Rainman?!?!?!
You see, I've come across a remarkably sexy and sweet looking guy a couple of times on my jols with Mama Boo the last few weeks, and we've established that we've noticed each other (as evidenced by the pathetic overuse of Bambi-style Kissy Eyes.) The next logical step is one of us talking to the other (and hopefully, the other talking back, thus creating what I believe they call Conversation). This is where shit gets weird, because I freeze up and get clammy. Fuuuuuuuuuuuck.
I know what you're thinking... 'Dafuq, Shell?! Why are we even having this conversation?!'* I'm wondering the same thing.
So, friends, this is where you come in. I'd appreciate any reminders of how easy it is to just fucking talk to a guy. ALso: tips on how to talk to a smoking hot yet apparently shy boy would not go amiss. You guys can be my wingmen... wingladies... Wingpeeps!**
* Transcript of actual conversation about the dumbest problem I've ever had, so I know it's what you're thinking
** Weeps? Er...